As a young black woman in today’s America, I am constantly being told what society feels is the best thing for me – get a top tier education and be top of my class, get a career and work hard and even being a strong support for my family and my man all while supporting myself. And now, to add icing to this traditional cupcake, I must deal with the pressures of needing to get married and have children…WTF!!!
The pressure to find a mate and then have a baby by a certain age is a huge source of stress and anxiety for many young black women. Marriage and kids are not romantic dreams that come to reality magically for some or even a choice we are free to make. Instead, it’s yet another unspoken expectation that was placed on us the day we came into the world and the doctor said “it’s a girl.”
But why is that? Who decided to come up with these rules where we have to meet these requirements by a certain time, or you’re deemed less than? It is a crazy assumption that has everyone else’s feelings involved but your own.
Like, let’s be honest, the constant wedding and baby content on social media and television doesn’t help. And let’s not forget about Grandma Jenkins or Aunt Lisa reminding you that your biological clock is ticking. Has anyone ever thought, “I wonder how this feels for her” or “maybe I shouldn’t be so fucking nosey and abrasive?” The answer is most likely NO, because being a woman without a ring or a baby is as controversial as the pandemic, we are currently living in.
Being asked those questions on a daily is extremely depressing and stressful for women who can’t conceive, who don’t want their private lives dissected like a frog in a science project or who simply enjoy being a free person without the mental, physical, emotional and financial responsibilities of keeping a little human alive and well.
So here’s my advice to people who clearly are ignorant to our feelings – MIND YOUR BUSINESS! What we choose to do or not do in our personal lives and with our bodies is our concern. We have the right to do things the way we see best benefits us and if that means having a spouse and offspring or being alone and at peace, its fine either way.
And for my Queens, we are not meant to do everything. Be true to yourself. Take the time to truly understand the reasons you chose your path so that you aren’t easily swayed by the pressures of society and even your friends and family. If you decide to speak on your life, do it on your timing and when you are comfortable, and if not, then cool. You have purpose and that doesn’t always mean following traditional guidelines. Your journey is yours alone, so live it up and make it beautiful.